Couples usually exchange only a few words during intimacy, and most of the time, the sounds that are uttered do not mean much, beyond expressions of appreciation or pleasure. But sometimes, couples need to do more than simply grunt at one another. In many cases, they may need to get into a more detailed discussion about intimacy-related issues. Bringing up this topic can be hard, especially if the talk is prompted by a male organ care concern, but words of wisdom from a guy who’s been there could help men to resolve these problems for better intimacy going forward.
Choose the Right Location
It’s tempting to talk about intimacy in the bedroom, as this is the place where the action tends to happen. But according to this man, sensual places just aren’t right for a conversation like this. “When I tried to talk about intimacy issues in the bedroom, my partner ended up feeling really attacked, and then I had trouble initiating intimacy with her there in the future,” he says. “I want the bedroom to be a safe place for her, where she can really let go, so that means I just can’t talk about heavy stuff in there.”
Instead of initiating the discussion in the bedroom, this man recommends a more neutral location, such as the kitchen, the quiet corner of a coffee shop, the backyard – even the car. “The idea is to find an open space in which you can talk freely, without your partner worrying that you’re going to move right from talking about it to doing it,” he says.
Using the Right Words
This man needed to discuss intimacy with his partner due to health concerns that developed after intimacy. It was an understandably touchy subject. “My partner likes it rough, so she always asked me to skip the lube and go at things harder,” he mentions. “That all feels great, but when the intimacy was done, I was so incredibly sore and chapped. Sometimes, I was even bleeding when it was through. I knew I had to say something about it, as this kind of thing just isn’t good for my body.”
But this man knew that using blaming words would shut the conversation down before it began. He even worried that talking about the problem would make his partner stop having relations with him at all. “I worked a lot on my opening statement,” he explains. “I wanted to let her know that I loved her, and I loved having intimate relations with her, but that I just wanted a few things to change. That’s a super hard message to get across, so I practiced in the mirror over and over until I felt I had the words down right.”
The man also worked hard to ensure that all of his statements began with the word “I.”
“I read that people become defensive when they hear sentences that start with ‘You always.’ It would be easy for me to use that phrase about our love life, so I worked and worked on practicing my speech until I got rid of that quirk,” he says.
How it Went
The man reports that his conversation was a little awkward, but he’s glad he spoke up for the health of his Johnson. “My partner still felt a little attacked, I think, and she really didn’t want to talk about this,” the man says. “But I kept reminding her that I love her and that I want things between us to be better, and that I want my male organ to be healthy, too. In time, we came up with some good solutions.”